I Need This Cattle Prod For Humans Who Aren’t Properly Social Distancing

If you’re not wearing a mask in public or properly practising social distancing to prioritize your comfort and convenience over everyone else’s health and well-being, you not only deserve to be called out but also reminded of your social responsibilities with a gentle 4.5-volt zap courtesy of this Covid-19 cattle prod.

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The Social Distancing Zapper sounds like an April Fool’s Day prank, but then again, so does all of 2020. If someone had told you way back in January that a seven-inch, pocket-friendly cattle prod that extends up 25-inches in length letting you shock humans, not cows, from a distance of around six feet (depending on the length of your arm) would be a device you’d actually consider buying by year’s end, you’d have laughed in their face. Ten months later, it seems like a must-have accessory, especially if you live somewhere the locals are endlessly whining about their freedoms.

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An electric prod designed for livestock can deliver enough voltage to seriously harm a human, but this one uses a pair of AAA batteries to deliver just 4.5 volts. For comparison purposes, shuffling your feet across a carpet floor in the winter and then touching a metal doorknob will deliver an audible and painful static shock closer to 4,000 volts.

The Social Distancing Zapper, which you can order from Firebox for $14, is intended to be used more as a gentle reminder. It should be the physical equivalent of a throat clear when someone has absent-mindedly breached your personal space but doesn’t see your concerned expression hidden behind a mask or hear your requests for them to step back and respect the social distancing rules that have been put in place to help minimize the spread of Covid-19.

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